How to Win Friends and Influence People is a self-help book written by Dale Carnegie, published in 1936. Over 15 million copies have been sold worldwide, making it one of the best-selling books of all time. The book is divided into principles intended to help you understand how to be admired and influence. Here is a summary of these tips from the book:
How to deal with people
1st principle: Do not condemn, criticize and do not complain
Embrace the fact that we all have flaws. Always try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Anyone who has a habit to complain tends to see only the negative side of things and affects everyone around them with their negative energy.
2nd principle: Appreciate people
To encourage someone to do something, nothing is more effective than showing appreciation for them. But beware of making only sincere compliments, do not engage in false admiration.
3rd principle: Consider the interests of the other person
To understand how to convince someone you need to put yourself in the their shoes because what you want is often not what they want. Viewing the situation from their perspective will help you to find points of mutual interest and be more convincing.
How to be liked
1st principle: Show interest
For others to like you, they need to feel that you are interested in them. This sounds simple but it makes a big difference!
2nd principle: Smile
Whoever smiles makes a good impression by demonstrating happiness and a positive attitude.
3rd principle: Remember names
Call people by their name whenever possible! By showing that you listen to someone and remember their name, you make them feel important.
4th principle: Know how to listen
Listen carefully to what the other person has to say. Demonstrate interest and never interrupt.
5th principle: Focus on the other person’s interests
This is critical to getting the attention of the other person. You also often end up learning about new things.
6th principle: Show that the other person is important
Show sincere interest and demonstrate the importance that the other person has for you. Show that you do not feel you are superior to them.
How to convince people
1st principle: Avoid arguments
Avoid tense subjects, but if one comes up, listen to what the other person has to say and admit that you may be wrong.
2nd principle: Never tell someone that they are wrong
Respect the opinion of the other and share your point of view delicately. Never tell someone that they are wrong.
3rd principle: Acknowledge your mistakes
If you have made a mistake, do not hesitate to recognize and acknowledge your mistake quickly.
4th principle: Be friendly
Do not try to impose anything. People tend to agree with you if you act kindly and do not try to control.
5th principle: Allow the other person to say "yes"
Ask the right questions to hear affirmative answers. Formulate your argument to leave space and ample opportunity for the other person to tell you “yes”. This will make convincing a much easier task.
6th principle: Let the other person speak
Listen carefully and let the other person speak and actively participate. Do not dominate the conversation.
7th principle: Let the other person think they own the idea
People value their ideas more, so this is a great tip for cooperation and achieving results.
8th principle: Include the other person's point of view
Be empathetic! Be understanding and understand the motivations of the other person.
9th principle: Be in solidarity
Everyone wants to be understood. Pay attention and make sure the other person knows that you understand how they feel.
10th principle: Appeal to noble motives
Show that you consider the other person to be a noble person. This will help them to act favorably with you.
11th principle: State your ideas dramatically
Tell your story in an interesting way, this will catch the attention of the other person.
12th principle: Challenge
If none of the previous principles worked out, then challenge the other person! We all have a competitive side, engage theirs.
How to change people
1st principle: When criticizing, start with a compliment
Make sincere compliments before giving critical feedback, this will help the acceptance of the criticism.
2nd principle: Indirect criticism
How to criticize and not be hated Principle 2: Draw attention to other people's mistake in an indirect way.
3rd principle: Talk about your mistakes before mentioning theirs
Everyone has flaws. Approach the subject starting with your mistakes and flaws to demonstrate empathy and honesty.
4th principle: Instead of giving orders, ask questions
When you need to delegate tasks, first suggest them. This stimulates proactivity.
5th principle: Respect the feelings of the other person
Avoid embarrassing them or making criticisms related to their character.
6th principle: Praise the other person
Praise all progress and positive characteristics with true, sincere compliments.
7th principle: Remind the other person of their good reputation
This way they will feel more motivated to behave well.
8th principle: Show that the faults of the other are easy to correct
So that they do not lose motivation, encourage them to correct mistakes in a way that is easily achievable.
9th principle: Make the other person feel happy by following their advice
Give them space to provide you with recommendations and thank them for this. This will help bring satisfaction to both of you and balance the conversation.
We hope this summary has been helpful for you. Share these essential tips with your friends who are also interested in winning friends and influencing people!